Angry Paul Rand

This is an archive of all of the tweets from the @AngryPaulRand Twitter account, from oldest to newest (reverse Twitter order). For a full explanation of what this is, read this post.
My shits have more form and composition than most design out there today. And they are kerned better, too. #graphic #design
I made design with a fucking slide rule and a #2 pencil. In a cabin in the woods. That was uphill both ways. #graphic #design
All this postmodernist graphic design bullshit is over my head. Therefore it must suck. Where the fuck are the grids?
I was making the most amazing graphic design in history when you were still fucking around with Comic Sans and a Sharpie.
Infographics? Fuck that. It's all about pictographs. Don't you assholes remember how brilliant my Eye Bee M logo was?
Want to know why I'm angry? Look what they did to my brilliant UPS logo. And, I'll always be associated with Enron. Thats why I'm angry.
We had the Internet in my day, too. They called it "the yellow pages" and they delivered it right to you. Twitter was called a "telegram."
You can blame me for Steve's attitude with the iPhone 4. When I did NeXT logo, I told him "I'll give you 1 option, take it or leave it."
Of course I am. I'm brilliant after all. RT @Jared_Cullum: hahahahha oh my god, you're the best twitter account I've followed yet.
You bastards would not use so many goddamn gradients & dropshadows in your designs if you had to make the fuckers by hand like I did.
Hi new followers. About time you listened to me instead of that wackjob Sagmeister. I made words out of fucking bananas too. When I was 6.
Look, I'm not saying I'm a better graphic designer than all of you. It's so fucking obvious, do I need to say it? UPS logo FTW, bitches.
I had to use poisonous shit: lead type, spray adhesive, etc. And you fucking pussies worry about scratching your wrists on a MacBook Pro.
In my day you came to the studio wearing flannel & skinny pants, we assumed you were a fucking lumberjack. Goddamn hipsters.
David Carson set an article in Dingbats. I once downed too many vodka gimlets and puked on a press sheet. At least mine made fucking sense.
Being famous on Twitter is like being a famous graphic designer: almost nobody knows who the hell you are.
This graphic design gig would be great if it wasn't for all the fucking clients.
Sometimes, Müller-Brockmann and I would get shitfaced and design stuff *off* the grid. We were such crazy bastards back then.
This Justin Bieber kid reminds me of some of my annoying students at Yale. Only my students at Yale had talent.
I turned Esquire magazine into the most beautiful printed publication ever. Thanks to the goddamn Internet for fucking that up for me.
You kids still use pasteups & Letraset for graphic design, right? I'd shoot myself if I had to use that unreliable Adobe shit every day.
This Sarah Palin chick sounds like a typical client: full of half-assed ideas & no direction. However, most clients aren't as bangable.
Was reading that "S M L XL" Bruce Mau book in bed and the fucking thing fell on my head. It's so much bullshit I actually got hurt by it.
Damnit! RT @brendamontreal: you do know that you have been busted by Jessica Helfand for being, umm, well - nice? http://bit.ly/9CkD6U
I think BP hired the same idiots who touched up that photo of Lee Harvey Oswald holding a rifle. That worked out fucking great, too.
I don't know about this sustainable design crap. When I worked I just wanted my designs to sustain 3-martini lunches & my expense account.
A big #followfriday to all the people that follow me. I think of you all as my special interns. Now go get me a coffee.
Zwart? That hack! RT @siborg81: Also if you are such a design great why don't you have your own logo like Piet Zwart ?!
You all obviously need to follow @AngryRandPaul. He's like me only without talent. And evil.
You have got to be kidding me with this crowdsourcing & spec work bullshit. In my day we preferred to actually get paid for our work.
As a designer, my favorite clients are the ones who are smart enough to know how stupid they are.
I should mention I make a cameo in tomorrow's #MadMen. Look for me playing "Art Department Alcoholic Misogynist Asshole # 3."
The problem I have with "Mad Men" is all the unrealistic bullshit. We smoked, drank and womanized way more than that.
You kids need to get your hands dirty when making design for a change. Spilling a fucking soy mocha latt√© on your MacBook doesn't count.
You kids keep worrying about what tools you should use for making design. You know what I used? A pencil, a dry martini and some balls.
In my day interns never slapped me across the face & gave me the finger when I asked them to work. Unlike this crappy Adobe software.
I prefer real books to reading on an iPad. Real books look & feel better, plus I don't look as douchey when I read one in a Starbucks.
Designers ask me "what's the difference between design and art?" I tell them, "when you are talented as I am, not a damn thing."
#FF all of my followers. Best. Brownnosers. Ever.
Don't get all the hating on Apple for making new, innovative stuff. Tho, when I invented graphic design, people gave me a lot of shit, too.
You kids are wrong, I don't hate computers. Take the new 12-core Mac Pro; now bad designers can make shitty design 12 times faster. Amazing.
Like your parents, I am not actually angry. I'm just... disappointed.
Designers should spend time making better design, and not trying to be hip by writing "witty" bullshit about themselves on their websites.
#FollowMonday @kibrly since she was my 3,000th follower. The kid has good timing.
I guess these days you kids call it "design by committee." In my day we called it "stupid overbearing clients fucking up the project."
The smell of fresh ink on a press sheet turns me into Happy Paul Rand.
Pulling a design out of your ass at the last minute is fine, if your ass is as brilliant as mine is.
Even something as hideously freakish and fucked up looking as Comic Sans can be used well. Just like Sloth in "The Goonies."
People already think designers are pompous dicks. Pics on your site holding up your poster designs by the corners is not fucking helping.
In my day it was more fun to bitch about clients at a bar, not on Twitter. Also, they couldn't find out what we said about them on Google.
Microsoft's expertise is in making other people's work look like shit. RT @onespeedjeff: what do you think of PowerPoint presentations?
Treat graphic design like hooking up at a bar; you don't want to be disgusted at what you did when you see it the next morning.
Best part of design school? Not worrying about clients or budgets. Worst part of design school? Not worrying about clients or budgets.
Everything is design. Everything! Except for that London 2012 Olympics logo. I don't know what the fuck that is.
Seems like you kids love stupid, annoying shit these days. Or maybe JWoww is actually a brilliant designer and I'm just cranky.
Sorry, had to delete some tweets‚ÄîArmin Hoffman is here & got onto my comp after too many Rob Roys. Drunk bastard should stick to posters.
In my day I had a name for stupid clients who would not listen to my brilliant design advice. I called them "David Carson's clients."
My advice for designers & design students: fuck the rules, if your work is good enough to get away with it.
Bad design clients are like dogs: you spend a lot of time cleaning up their shit, and they are easily distracted by anything loud & shiny.
Lots of you asked what I think of the 2014 World Cup logo: http://bit.ly/a4Sdzu I love it. The World Cup is a circle jerk, right?
You kids and your computers. Any idiot can learn Photoshop. That doesn't make you a designer, it makes you an idiot who knows Photoshop.
Web designers, your job isn't to hide information people want behind bells & whistles and other flashy crap. That's a politician's job.
You kids should make design like you make love; passionately, attentively, and hopefully not by yourself with only a computer.
Lazy fucking designers need to think a lot more and look passively a lot less. This kid is right on: http://bit.ly/bK8tOQ (via @behoff)
A portfolio website done entirely in Flash is the graphic design equivalent of a vuvuzela.
Back in my day, the weekend was a great time to get drunk at home instead of getting drunk at the office.
Fine by me, but I want my name first on the letterhead. RT @debbiemillman: @AIGAdesign Can I be co-president with @AngryPaulRand? Please?
Having a mastery of typography is like having a mastery of breathing; without it, you're fucked.
6800 followers; that's a hell of a lot of bitter, angst-ridden designers. You kids should get outside more. Or get a puppy.
Designers care about the journey. Clients care about the destination. Bad designers care about stopping at Waffle House.
Happy birthday to me. http://ow.ly/2pLAm My birthday wish is for you kids make better design. And a Porsche would be nice.
If graphic design was Star Wars, then Adobe would be Jar Jar Binks.
Since you kids asked: If graphic design was Star Wars, then crowdSPRING would be Darth Vader.
Like a cop, a designer is on duty 24/7/365. Only instead of eating donuts we like croissants and other fancy crap.
Just because you design does not mean you are a good designer. All this shitty work has to come from somewhere.
If you can't make it good, make it big, if you can't make it big, make it red. If it still sucks, find another fucking profession.
Design students, pay attention: just because a teacher tells you something, doesn't mean it's right.
Photoshop filters are the graphic design equivalent of "Jersey Shore."
When a small business owner asks you to design something for free, that is NOT "pro bono." That is "cheap asshole."
Design students, pay attention: being passive & predictable is the best way to guarantee your place as a mediocre designer.
The next one of you bastards who puts a Flash intro on your website is going to get my highly designed foot up your ass.
My favorite thing about being a graphic designer? Not being an accountant.
Design is hard. You want something easy, MIT has an Theoretical Physics department you should look into, pussy.
You are a designer. If a client just wants someone who can push a mouse around, they can get a fucking cat.
Spec work is like going to a strip club; you get all excited, but it almost never pays off in the end.
Bad clients tell you how to do your job. Good clients let you do your job. Great clients write a check and get out of the way.
3 easy steps to being a successful designer: 1) Do great work. 2) Don't be an asshole. 3) There is no step 3.
Design can be art. Design can be aesthetics. Design is so simple, that's why it is so complicated.
(By the way, my last tweet: http://www.haughtpixels.com/paul_rand_influential_graphic_designer.html)
Design school is like dating: confidence is king. Being a good bullshitter helps a lot, too.
Making your resume layout "edgy" and "creative" is like having sex at church: fun but inappropriate.
If God is in the details, then the Devil is in PowerPoint.
#FollowFriday nobody at all. Instead, go make something amazing.
That scary, panicked feeling when you start a project and just have a blank page? That's graphic design Viagra.
Glenn Beck is the Comic Sans of politics; except Comic Sans doesn't want to lynch Gotham.
There's so much shitty design because you kids making shitty design are not good enough at design to know your design is shitty.
Design school is just like "the real world," except there's no shortage of interesting work, and you have a lot more sex.
Design like your life depends on it. Because if you're doing it right, it does.
Learning to be a designer online is just fine, if only aspire to make work for porn movie packaging or the Yankee Swapper.
I predict that tomorrow Apple announces something nobody needs but everyone has to have. Also, it will be shiny.
The real reason designers use Macs? So we can be smug and elitist about our computers, too.
The only thing winning a design award proves is that you are good at winning design awards.
Especially in design school: Do first. Apologize later.
If your fucking hip infographic makes the data harder to understand instead of easier, YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG. http://bit.ly/9V1WaX
#FollowFriday @AngryPaulRand. Why? IBM, Westinghouse, ABC, Esquire, UPS, etc... I'm fucking brilliant. That's why.
In my day we had a computer we used for design, too; only back then we called it a "brain" & the mouse was called a "pencil."
The 1st rule of design is there are no rules. The 2nd rule of design is you should ignore lists of rules of design.
The only thing worse than the new iTunes logo is managing movies, TV shows, podcasts, apps & books through something called "iTunes."
Stories about how late you were up working on your project are like Foursquare tweets: nobody gives a shit but you.
Being a designer is easy. The hard part is being good at it.
Infographics are graphic design's Auto-Tune.
Some of you kids are excited about being a designer, instead of excited about making great design. Big difference.
The best thing about computers? You can turn them off.
Using a template and calling it design is like filling out your 1040 tax return and calling it Dada Poetry.
Fear has no place in design.
Actually let me amend that last tweet...
Fear has no place in design. Unless you are designing for horror movies or the Tea Party.
Apple's Keynote is the presentation equivalent of chugging a 12-pack of Budweiser: it makes anything look sexy.
Dear Adobe, stop making design more fucking stressful than it already is. PS: the new CS5 icons suck.
Layout by hand was a pain; but unlike software, Letraset didn't stop working randomly just because it felt like fucking with you.
My favorite way to enjoy the VMAs is to not watch them.
Being a designer is not just a "job." It's a calling.
@elaineinspired If you really think that is all design is, I feel sorry for you.
Holy shit. I just realized I died in 1996. What the fuck am I doing tweeting? Goodbye, you bastards!